Again in jail, Paris is God's problem now

June 12, 2007 [...] I'd been sitting here wondering if it's possible to witness a more surrealistic spectacle than that which went down Friday when Paris Hilton rolled the dice, picked up her Chance card and was ordered by the judge, Go directly back to jail. Do not pass 'Go,' do not collect $200.' And then came the weekend and Paris' newfound spiritual enlightenment in concert with Barbara Walters, and I knew the long-rumored Apocalypse had to be nigh. Most baffling had been the day's overriding theme all over the cable news landscape, which was, "Hey, the system works!" I waited in vain for a laughtrack that never came.

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